I'm such a stud . . .

So . . . what did you do last weekend? Anything fun? Anything athletic?

Oh, me? What did I do? Well, since you've asked . . .

Portland to Coast, baby. A 126-mile walking relay from Portland, Oregon to Seaside, Oregon.

(Tangent Alert: Look at the above picture. Isn't it interesting how reflective vests um . . . . reflect? Just thought you'd find that interesting.)

I really and truly did it, people. Clarification - our team did it. The High Maintenance Chicks were at it again.

Here's a question; how fun is it for a wimp like me to hang out with real athletes? Answer: real fun. Because when you hang out with real athletes, everybody thinks you're one of them. Kind of like when you sit at the cool kids' lunch table and just the proximity makes you feel cool, yourself.

We have a team of 10 women, I mean chicks, and we're divided into two vans. Here are the chicks in my car -

Davi, Melissa, Amy and Lisa. This picture was taken at approximately 0400 on Friday morning. Our start time was 0415. We were a bit groggy but covering it up by smiling real big.

Finish Line! We finished the race in just under 30 hours. Talk about groggy. Groggy doesn't even begin to describe how we felt at this point.

All of the chicks. We have such a fun team!

After going across the finish line, we head to the nearest restaurant for a HUGE breakfast. It's the one time a year I eat biscuits and gravy and don't feel guilty. After walking 17+ miles, I've earned my biscuits and gravy, man.

So, we do the whole - "I'm an athlete and I'm walking a bunch of miles and all" then we do what any elite athlete would do . . .

We shop for earrings.

Let me tell you, living up to the High Maintenance Chick reputation takes no work at all. No work at all, folks.

This year, our shopping took a slightly different course because there was a new Costco in the area. And we were hungry. And we were out of cash because we spent it all on earrings. And you know what Costco has on the weekends? Samples, man. Or, as I like to call it, "Senior Citizen Buffet".

So, off to Costco the High Maintenance Chicks went. We ate and laughed our way through Costco and guess what we found? Get a load of this . . .

Our lovely model, Amy, is holding something we all need desperately. Let's take a closer look, shall we?

Weight Management Chocolate.

Weight Management Chocolate?

Weight Management Chocolate.

At first I thought the sleep deprivation, sore muscles and trying to pass myself off as an athlete had somehow caused me to travel to an alternate universe. A universe where chocolate makes you lose weight and is a balanced part of a healthy diet. A universe where I want to live out the rest of my days, man.

Then I shook my head, took a couple of pictures and bought a bag of black licorice. Because everybody knows how healthy that is.

Especially those of us who are elite athletes.

Fat Friday: Zucchini Pie

I know, I KNOW.

It isn't Friday. Wait - I usually blog about food on Friday, right? I thought that "Fat Friday" thing seemed familiar, but I missed it last week and this week I'm going to be gone as well, so . . . there ya go. I hate disappointing you guys.

But you should probably get used to it.

Seriously, the last few days - heck, weeks - have been a blur. School shopping, gardening, training for Portland to Coast, worship team, Wii night - I'm pretty sure I'm the busiest person in the universe. And I discovered Facebook. Oh joy. More time on the computer.

So, I need to get back in my groove again. My cooking groove. My cooking and taking pictures of cooking groove. Here's another thing that's thrown me off - I broke my favorite lens for taking food pictures. I wish I could blame it on someone other than myself (Can I spin it? Uh, no. It's all me. It's all graceful, balanced me.)

Anyway, please forgive the less-than perfect pictures. I'm back to using my old, standby lens and therefore back to taking my old, standby pictures. Meaning, I feel like a beginner again. I'm a dork.

OK, now I'm going to quit with the pity party and COOK! Yay! You want to cook something that's summery, easy, tasty and makes excellent breakfast food the next morning? Plus, it's an awesome recipe for using up the bazillion zucchini sitting on your kitchen counter.

Follow me to . . . Zucchini Pie Land.

You'll need:

1 large onion, finely chopped

1/3 c. oil

1/2 c. Parmesan cheese

4 eggs, slightly beaten

1 t. parsley

3 c. grated zucchini

1 c. Bisquick

1 c. shredded cheese

I usually use homemade bisquick but in this recipe I used the reduced-fat "Heart Smart" kind of Bisquick. Then I feel like I'm doing something healthy. Plus, that way I can add more cheese. I'm all about rationalizing adding more cheese to my diet.

Moving on. Chop up your onion and GUESS WHAT? Today is Home Ec day at Karenpie. I'm going to show you how I chop onions.

Slice off the blossom end, to make a flat end so you can stand the onion up.

Stand it up and cut it in half, end to end.

Peel off the inedible parts. . . .

. . . and begin slicing lengthwise - from top to bottom. The skinnier the slices, the smaller the onion will be chopped.

Turn the onion and begin slicing at a 90 degree angle to the first slices - again, the skinnier the slices, the smaller the pieces.

Once your onion is all chopped up, begin sauteing it in a bit of the oil. I usually measure out the 1/3 c of oil in the recipe, then pour some of it in a pan to heat - however much you want to use to lightly cook the onion.

The original recipe, from a Taste of Home magazine, didn't call for cooking the onion. As I've made this recipe over the years, I've found that I prefer cooking it instead of tossing it in raw. Seems to taste better!

While the onion is cooking, combine everything else in a large bowl. Stir in the cooked onion when it's cooked to your satisfaction. Pretend I took a picture of this part of the process. You may also pretend, at this point, that I actually know what I'm doing when it comes to food blogging.

Pour everything into a greased 9-inch pie plate and bake 35-40 minutes at 350F.

It will be golden brown across the top and your house will smell heavenly!

This makes a fabulous light, summer supper. I serve mine with a green salad and fruit. I also pile on the salsa. And oh baby, the leftovers make a fantastic breakfast!

My kids will even eat it.

Enjoy!

School Shopping

Back to school shopping.

It's that time of year, folks. Time to get out the ads and check for sales. Time to go through all your kids' supplies from last year and recycle them. To see if they really, truly need brand spankin' new colored pencils or if the ones from last year are good enough. I've already got a ginormous box full of half-used pencils, markers and crayons. Do I really need to add to it? I think NOT.

Time to get the classroom supply list(s) from all your kid's teachers and see what new! and exciting! things we need to buy! this year! Then we take the lists - on which we've already checked off the things that can be recycled, the lists that are written in tiny, tiny font because GOD FORBID we'd waste paper and put them on their own individual pages - and the Karenpie family goes to Walmart. Where you can get crayons for a quarter and folders for 15 cents. Of course the rest of the community has the same idea but I'm sure fighting the crowds is worth the 75-cent savings.

Good ol' Walmart. I'm there every week for grocery shopping - usually without the kids because taking your kids grocery shopping is some sort of child abuse. According to my kids there should be CPS agents secretly watching all moms with children and arresting those who rudely bring their kids along. That'd teach 'em. SOMEONE HAS TO SPEAK FOR THE CHILDREN. IT CERTAINLY WON'T BE THEIR PARENTS.

So, there I was in Walmart. With 8 million other people, my three, tiny, marked-up lists, and my three children because GOD FORBID I would come home with the wrong color folder so you just better believe you're coming along to pick it out yourself, mister.

It took forever to shop for the supplies. I'd happen upon an item and know one of the kids needed it,

"Hey Matthew, grab 2 folders - no, make that 3 and (shuffling lists around) Katie, you need one too. Oh shoot, we need Pink Pearl erasers and those were back on the last aisle."

And all the while I'm dodging other moms with the same intent - reaching across other people's carts because Ooh! There are the rulers! I think that was on somebody's list and - "Daniel, grab a couple packages of notebook paper, the wide-rule ones - no, that's college rule, see how it's labeled and the lines are different? Get those."

Meanwhile, in the middle of all this, the kids are constantly - constantly - bringing me items and asking about them,

"Mom can I get a new pencil sharpener 'cuz mine from last year broke."

"Your pencil sharpener is fine. Remember we tested it?"

"But it's green, Mom. I don't like green anymore."

"No, you can't get a new pencil sharpener just because you don't like green anymore."

"Awwwww, Mom."

"Mom! Look at the Disney princess folders! Aren't they pretty! Can I get some? PLEASE?"

"Mom, how many spiral notebooks do I need? Mom, we need better pencils this year. Mom those folders don't last very long. Mom can I get a new backpack? Mom, mom, mom, MOM."

(You know, I love being a mom - it really and truly is the joy of my heart but I gotta admit, sometimes I get sick of the sound of my own name.)

So, there I was, going back and forth between aisles, answering the barrage of questions from my kids - kids who don't want to be there but nevertheless are totally into it. Trying to read the lists, crossing things off the lists and trying not to play bumper carts with other people. And in the midst of this chaos, another player joined the game. An elderly grandmother-type who found us in the crayon aisle.

Grandmotherly -type: "Excuse me, are these the crayons we're supposed to buy?"

(There was a slight moment of silence because my brain went, "uuuh . . . . . . ")

Karenpie: "I don't know, ma'am. Every school is different. Katie, pick out a pencil box - a big one, no the other big ones."

G-T: "Are we supposed to buy Crayola or another brand?"

KP: "Ma'am, I don't think it matters but what does your teacher want? Daniel get some of those scissors, just pick out your favorite color."

G-T: "Are we supposed to buy 24-count crayons or a bigger box?"

"Mom, look at the cool eraser tops, can we get some?"

"Mom, I can't find scissors the right color."

"Mom, I can't reach the big pencil boxes."

G-T: "Should we get the crayons with their own sharpener?"

Aaaaand . . . that's about when I lost it. I stood in the middle of the crayon aisle in Walmart and said in a very loud voice,

"EVERYBODY. SHUT. UP. NOW."

You could have heard a pin drop. All of my kids froze in place - even the grandmother. And I said,

"Matthew, help Katie reach the pencil boxes. Daniel - find. scissors. now. Ma'am, I don't know how to help you. Your teacher should have a very specific list for you to follow."

Then we left (meaning I was so embarrassed I fled the scene) and did the grocery shopping. The whole ordeal took 3-1/2 hours. Three and a half hours in Walmart.

And that's why it's called, "Back to school shopping or, how to turn into a raving lunatic and abuse nice old ladies in Walmart."

The End.

Fat Friday: Oatmeal Honey Wheat Bread

ALERT: This is a really long post. Seriously. Feel free to log out and use your time more wisely. Go use the bathroom and make sure your kids are fed. Pay your rent and get your Christmas shopping done. This will take awhile. I'm unusually opinionated and chatty today. What do you mean, that's not unusual? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?


Homemade bread. Did you hear that? Here, let me turn up the volume - HOMEMADE BREAD.

It's a little piece of heaven, that's what it is. With butter melting into it and some homemade preserves? I would sell one of my children for it. I mean they'd sell me for some of it. But then they'd never get any, would they? They definitely know which side their bread's buttered on. Har. Har.

Have you ever made it? It can be a bit intimidating at first, then you find a groove and you can start pounding out homemade bread like a champ. A champ I tell you!

I've made bread for years and have several great recipes. Recipes that use tomato or potato or rosemary or roasted garlic - lots of interesting flavors. But my hands-down fave is good-ol' wheat bread.

I hosted a (fabulous, really fun) Bible study at my house a couple of years ago - Apples of Gold. Fifteen women would come to my house every Thursday morning. We'd start with a cooking demo, followed by Bible study. While the girls were in the Bible study, two other women and I would put the finishing touches on lunch so it was ready to eat by the time the study was finished. It was a wonderful time of pampering some of the women in our church. We all got some fabulous recipes that we took home, too.

One morning one of the ladies gave a demo on making homemade bread. Let me tell you, she had the gadgets. She started with wheat (purchased in 50 lb. bags) that she ground right in front of us, kneaded the dough in a specialty mixer then divided the dough and let it rise in specialty pans. All I could think, as I watched her in action was,

"For all that stuff, for all the space all those things take, for the effort - this better be the best dang bread I've ever put in my mouth because I'd never do all that."

Then I ate it. And I was humbled. And I proceeded to research every little thing she had, so I could duplicate that bread at home. Because the bread lived up to its high maintenance reputation. It was worth it.

Fortunately, I didn't need to buy anything new. I have a KitchenAid mixer and a Vitamix blender. Do you really need anything else in life?

Now, I'm going to show you how I make this transcendent bread. You guys may have a perfectly great recipe that you use but listen to this: from the time I grind the wheat til I'm eating homemade bread - 1-1/2 hours. You heard me. An hour and a half from start to eat. There's no way I'd lie to you.

Also, you end up with such a healthy product! There are tons of vitamins found in freshly ground wheat - vitamins that have greatly degraded by the time you buy whole wheat flour in the store. Basically, if you buy a bag of whole wheat flour in the store, the only added benefit is the extra fiber.

With all that being said, I still wouldn't go to the trouble if it didn't taste fantastic. I'm not that much of a health nut. Says the person who ate 6 pieces of pizza then wondered why her hiney was so big despite training for Portland to Coast and doing Pilates twice a week.

So, have I convinced you yet? Take my hand, I will lead you to the promised land, people.

Here's whatcha need to make 3 medium-sized loaves of bread:

3-1/4 c. hot water

1/2 c. oil - I use canola or grapeseed or olive oil

1/2 c. honey

1 T. dough enhancer (that's the stuff in the white can)

1 T. salt

2 c. oatmeal - either regular or quick-cooking is fine

6-7 c. fresh, whole-wheat flour

2 T. Saf yeast

3 T. vital wheat gluten (in the brown box)

There are some weird ingredients on the list - dough enhancer, vital wheat gluten and Saf yeast. Let me give you a little rundown on these things.

Dough Enhancer

According to the side of the can, the ingredients are:

Whey, tofu, citric acid, soy lecithin, sea salt, corn starch, vitamin C and yeast.

From what I understand, the bread flour you buy in the store has these same things added, to make a better loaf of bread - better rise and texture. A 2-1/2 lb. can costs $9.95. I've had mine for 2 years and I store it in the freezer. It's a fantastic value.

Saf Yeast

This is an instant yeast that is phenomenal. I don't know why but it seems to produce a better product than the regular yeast I used to buy in the store. A 1 lb. bag costs $4.95 and lasts me about a year. I store it in the freezer, too.

Vital Wheat Gluten

I don't know if it's necessary, but I use this to give my bread a little added chewiness and lightness. If you use store-bought wheat flour you'll especially need it. I buy it at Walmart.

I buy the dough enhancer and yeast at a place called Healthy Harvest in Vancouver, WA. It's a really cool emergency preparedness warehouse that sells things in bulk. Honestly, I could go on and on about this place! It's a blast to visit and probably deserves its own post . . . . hmmmm.

OK, enough with the home ec lesson. Let's make us some bread!

This is the wheat I buy, also at Healthy Harvest. This is a #10 can and is just under 5 lbs. It costs $12.95. However, I buy it in 45 lb. pails that cost $60.95. Wheat will store indefinitely as long as it stays dry. I keep it in my garage and have this can in my freezer.

Can I just tell you how difficult it was for me to spend the money on this? It KILLED me. We raise wheat in Kansas and when I think about the wheat we harvest, the grain truck that holds 30,000 lbs of wheat - and that's just one of many loads - it KILLED me to pay for it. A bushel is 60 lbs and sells for $4-7. And I pay $60.

Gah. It's killing me. But I suck it up because I like homemade bread. I need to cultivate the friendship of a wheat farmer around these parts. Think I could pay him in bread? Oh yeah, baby.

So, you start with some wheat. I keep it in the freezer because it grinds better that way.

Please take note of my freaky, wrinkly alien hand.

I am fortunate enough to have a Vitamix blender. I'm not sure another blender could grind the wheat as effectively but it's worth the try! If you try this, let me know how your blender works.

Look - flour! Here's where I share with you why I store the can of wheat in the freezer.

The first time I tried this, I had no idea how much time it would take to grind the wheat. I also greatly underestimated the power of my blender. I ground it for so long, it was steaming and causing the flour to cake up and stick to the sides of the container. When I tried to loosen it up, I burned my fingers. Crazy, huh? I almost liquified it.

So now I keep a small amount of wheat in the freezer so it starts out cold and won't cake up. I've found that a cup of wheat berries = 1-1/4 c. flour. I grind 1 c. at a time for around 30 seconds. If you grind more than you need for the recipe, store the extra in a ziplock in the freezer.

I usually grind 6 c. of wheat into flour. Sometimes I use it all and sometimes I don't. Aren't you glad you're getting such concise information today?

While you're grinding wheat, start putting the rest of the ingredients in your mixer. Your KitchenAid mixer with a dough hook. I like to let the oatmeal soften a bit in the hot water. Seriously, just dump it all in there, in the order given up above.

Then dump your flour in. I usually start with 4-5 cups, all at once, and start mixing - on my mixer I'm at speed 2. If it's sticky, add more flour - a 1/2 c. at a time - until it doesn't stick anymore.

If you're happy with the level of stickiness, set your timer for 5 minutes and start kneading - I mean letting your mixer knead the dough.

While it's kneading, grease 3, 9x5 pans.

Sorry about the blurry picture. As I was reaching for my camera, the strap caught on the counter and I dropped my camera on the floor. I broke my favorite lens for taking food photos - my 50 mm f1.8. I immediately started hyperventilating and twitching and was this close to calling 911. Is there an ER for cameras? With ambulance service? Because that's what I needed.

I wonder if Kaiser would cover it.

Pat the dough down into the pan - you don't have to make a pretty shape - it will rise and even out any lumps or bumps. And - speaking of shapes - have you ever made an epi? It's a French thing, I think. And since I'm all about being a sophisticated European-like kinda gal, thought I'd try it out. Take a look:

I divided the rest of my dough into thirds and rolled each portion into a long, skinny rope.

Then, using kitchen shears, put the blades at an angle and snip - but not all the way through!

You'll end up with this.

Now start pulling the pieces in opposite directions. My ropes were too long so I had to break them apart into shorter pieces to fit on my cookie sheet.

I also made a circle. I know, I know - what an artist.

Now put your masterpieces out of the way, covered with towel, and let them rise.

It won't take long for them to double in size. I usually wait for my loaves to get about an inch above the edge of the pan. When you bake them they'll rise even more.

Bake at 350F - loaves about 38-40 minutes and the smaller epi's around 15 -18 minutes.

The epi's will bake up like little individual rolls. I put the whole thing on the table and let people tear off what they want. My kids love this!

Especially with butter.

See how the loaf got a bit taller? See the nice, golden-brown color? See the big chunk I cut out and ate before I remembered to take a picture?

You may also notice the tiny holes in the side of the bread. I check the internal temp of the bread before I take it out of the oven. It should be 180F. I got the tip from fugimama on Tasty Kitchen. No more guessing and wondering if it will be a doughy mess on the inside! Genius.

So . . . there you go. Homemade bread made possible by an incredibly long-winded Karenpie.

But you'll forgive me when you make it and LOVE IT. Maybe. I think you'll forgive me. Won't you?

Please?

An Announcement

I am happy to announce the results of the dreaded camping trip! OK, it wasn't dreaded. If there's anything you've learned about me, it's that I have a tendency to exaggerate. Maybe just a tad.

I didn't dread camping, but I was nervous. I was nervous and resigned at the same time. Mostly the thing I was nervous about was looking like a dork. Which begs the question, "Why blog about it, then?".

Well, because if I'm going to look like a dork, my friends, if I'm going to screw up . . . I'm going to give it a hundred percent. If dorkiness is inevitable, EMBRACE IT. Then let all your friends in on it so they can laugh at you. I'm all about providing a light moment in your day. I mean, if I can make you laugh and at the same time make you feel really good about yourselves because you'll never be able to look as dumb as me - my job is done. Consider me a therapist.

So . . . camping . . . . or as I like to call it, hell.

Just kidding! It was actually very, very nice. Mostly because we didn't camp. No lie. Although, I was prepared.

The back of the Suburban was completely full. Riddle me this: how much stuff do you need to camp for 1-1/2 days and 1 night? Apparently a lot. You don't want to get there and realize you've neglected to bring something important. Like the tent poles.

'Cause that's what I forgot. Please review earlier comments regarding looking dumb.

Would you believe I managed to NOT look dumb? It was a miracle. A miracle made possible by a really nice cabin with propane lights and hot water and a king-size bed going completely to waste. Yes, Katie and I slept in our sleeping bags on the bed. Daniel slept in a sleeping loft with four other people. We had absolutely no need for the tent. It wasn't until Duane and Matthew came home from Boy Scout camp and Duane questioned which tent I used that I realized how close I had come to disaster.

Because it's one thing to anticipate sleeping outside in a tent. It's quite another thing to realize even that particular luxury is unavailable and you have to really rough it. And I'm just not that kind of person. The really-roughing-it kind of person I mean princess.

So, we had a blast! Here is proof . . .

On the way to the cabin, we stopped for a photo op on the side of the road. The lake in the background is where we spent our time. By the way, my kids are always like this. Completely goofy. I don't know where they get it. Such wallflowers.

We managed to arrive just in time for some boating . . .

. . . and tubing . . .

. . . and tadpole hunting.

Tadpoles. Up close and personal. There were thousands of them - kinda freaky but cool. The Cunninghams have a favorite place on the lake, a little cove they call "Pollywog Cove". We drove over on the boat and relaxed while the kids played.

The next morning, after Davi and her two boys arrived, we went back for more Pollywogging. But guess what? Lisa's husband, Mark, gave us three women a huge gift. The gift of hanging out uninterrupted by children. God bless him. Because you KNOW how much we need our friends for uninterrupted time.

He dropped the kids off, then drove us out to the middle of the Cove, close enough that we could see and hear them, but far enough away that they couldn't swim out to us. We soaked up sun, ate brownies and killed one of the bottles of wine I brought. We also managed to solve most of the problems in the world. World peace? Economic difficulties? Terrorism? No problem. Give us some wine and we'll get 'er done. I surprised nobody has tapped that particular resource.

All the kids on one of the tubes, right before . . .

. . . somebody jerked the line and dumped them in the water. Hey, they were already wet.

Then, it was time to go back to the cabin. Guess who got to ride on the tube? No - not me. Are you kidding? Someone had to take the pictures.

Lisa and Davi, the bravest women I know.

So, there you have it. Karenpie's Tale of Camping. And I have to say it - I loved it! We may go again in a couple of weeks.

But only if I can sleep in a tent this time. I have a reputation to maintain.

I can't believe it myself

So . . . . how about starting the day with a little quiz? I'm going to show you some pictures and you get to guess the activities in which two of my offspring and I will be engaging. It'll be fun despite the fact there are no prizes. Hey - isn't it enough to know you're right? Does there always have to be a reward? Don't answer that.

Before I show you the pictures, let's review what you know about me and . . . what? What did you say? I thought I heard the word narcissist muttered under someone's breath. I'm sitting right here. You think I can't hear you? Be nice.

Ready? Let's review.

1. I aspire to be high maintenance. It doesn't always stick but I want to get facials and mani-pedi's and massages. And be tan. And look like a hip fashionista. I want to be well-accessorized too. Those things rarely happen but I still want them. Read this if you want extra credit on this particular subject matter.

2. Being comfortable is one of the highest goals I have for myself. I hate being hot. I hate being cold. I seriously don't know how I ever gave birth. Three times.

3. Forests, wilderness and the great outdoors intimidate me. I like driving through it - oohing and aahing at the beauty - but in the back of my mind I like knowing a hotel with a comfy bed is at the end of the journey. Especially a hotel that serves breakfast in the morning.

4. Hiking and rock climbing are just sweaty ways to look at nature. Why do that when you can enjoy nature from the air conditioned comfort of your Suburban? I don't believe I'm alone in this opinion.

5. Camping is everything you have to do at home, only without electricity and running water, all the while fending off bugs and bears and wolves for crying out loud. Camping is for crazy people. I don't believe I'm alone when I express this completely objective opinion either.

5. Paradise will have a mall in it. And a Costco.

6. I hate spiders with a hatred so powerful it could cause the earth to change it's axis.

7. I like my bed.

8. I really, really like my bed.

9. If you were to call me a princess I would consider it a compliment.

So, keeping these pillars of truth in your mind, take a look at these pictures and see if you can guess what we're doing tomorrow.

This is packed in the back of the Suburban. Let's take a closer look at the one second from the left, shall we?

It's a . . . a . . . I can hardly get the word out . . . . a tent.

Lord help me. We're going camping.

Lisa and family have a cabin near Swift Reservoir and have invited us to join them for part of their vacation. Duane and Matthew are currently at Boy Scout camp on the coast so that leaves Daniel and Katie and me with a little time on our hands. And really, why would we want to spend this time in our air conditioned home? Eating food prepared in our kitchen? The kitchen with electricity? Sleeping in our beds - the ones with mattresses and covers? Then there's my bathroom. My bathroom - oh, how I love you!

Lord help me. I'm going to set up a tent. I'm going to sleep in a tent with Daniel and Katie. It will be a bonding experience that we'll all laugh about. If we live through it.

So . . . I've packed a tarp and the tent and a hammer to pound the sharp thingies into the ground so the tent doesn't fly away in the middle of the night when the bears come to investigate and find three, juicy people inside.

I've packed sleeping bags and blankets. I've got books and a game or two and bug spray and my toothbrush. And I'm bringing my camera so I can document the insanity and humiliation. There is a cooler full of food and I've got 3 bottles of wine. Oh baby, have I got wine. I may even share it. I need to go see if there's room for the espresso machine.

Lord help me.