Fat Friday - uh not today

Fat Friday, oh how I love ya, how I love ya . . . just not today.

My kids are coming home in a couple of hours! Can't wait to see them get off the plane. It's crazy, isn't it? I have been anticipating this kid-free, cooking-free week for months and it's gone by fast. Really fast. Like, the ginormous list of cleaning chores I made for myself - barely made a dent. But that's me - I like to bite off more than I can chew.

So, dear friends, blogging about food would definitely be more than I can handle today. Because I'm going to the airport to get my kids! Woo hoo!

Can anyone say, "Fat Sunday"?

What kind of a mother am I?

As you know, I put my kids on a plane by themselves last Saturday. Yes, you read that correctly - by themselves. They are currently in Kansas on Grandkid's Vacation with my folks. Apparently having the time of their lives with their cousins.

In year's past, when the boys come home from this gig, they've been tan, self-assured and seemingly more mature. Observations that fly out the window as I unpack and realize all their underwear is still folded neatly in a little pile at the bottom of their suitcases.

"So guys . . . you changed your underwear - what? One time in six days?"

Have I taught them nothing? My 11- and 9-year-old can't do this on their own without being reminded by me? Have I taught them nothing? What kind of mother am I?

They're gonna be regular chick magnets if this keeps up. Can you see it when they're 18? The girls will be flocking. Ooooh, wait, maybe I should encourage this behavior and neglect of personal hygiene! It'll keep the hussies away from my perfect little men. It's an evil plan but it just . . . might . . . work.

So, we put 'em on a plane and they've been gone for (um, I'm counting on my fingers . . . ) six days. I seriously thought I'd have a hard time at the gate, watching them walk down the jetway, but it ended up being OK. The airline people requested we stay in the airport until the plane was in the air so we waited nearly 45 minutes after the kids boarded. During that time, Duane and I drank Coffee People lattes and talked to another couple who were letting their son fly solo, too. It made the time go quickly for all 4 of us.

After watching the plane take off, we left the airport and did some shopping. I upgraded my cell phone because I've been eligible for a free upgrade for 2-1/2 years. Here's how the conversation went at the Verizon store,

Super-perky Sales Guy: "Welcome to Verizon! How can I help you?"

Me: "I guess I need to upgrade my phone."

SPSG: "Perfect! What are you looking for in a cell phone?"

Me: "Um, that it's pink. I'm looking for pinkness in a cell phone."

SPSG: "Ha! Ha! What about blah blah memory blah blah blah gig blah internet blah blah facebook blah blah blah hand's free blah camera-video blah. Blah blah and BLAH. Blah."

Me: "I have no idea what you just said."

SPSG: "Ha! Ha!"

Me: "No, really. I use my phone to make and receive calls. Although I'm starting to text more often. Can I get a pink phone that can do that?"

Why, yes. I can.

He took my pink Motorola Razr that is no longer manufactured and sold me another phone with a pink case and a keyboard - cool! - and a blue tooth so I can be all super-secret-agent girl with my earpiece while I'm driving. We had fun in the Verizon store until another customer started having a conversation with the countertop and wandered around the store talking to himself. We were OUTTA THERE.

So, the kids made it to Kansas safely and I relaxed. For about 2 minutes. Then it started and hasn't really stopped since Saturday afternoon. The cleaning. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

I've vacuumed and shampooed carpets. I've washed and ironed curtains. I've completely emptied bookcases, dusted and oiled furniture, organized closets and added to a ginormous, continually growing pile of stuff to give away. It's been a frenzy - a rampage - of cleaning. So let me ask you this, what's wrong with that picture? I have 7 commitment-free, cooking-free days in a quiet house. And I'm cleaning?

Originally, my plan was to spend two or three days cleaning, then sit back and enjoy the clean house. That hasn't happened. Not when it takes me an entire day just to shampoo the carpets in one room. My smart-ass sister woke me up. She called to ask what we were doing with the kids gone (because her 2 girls are on the same Grandkid's Vacay). I told her I was on a cleaning rampage. She said,

"Oh that's right. This is your first G.V. with all 3 kids gone. I remember doing that in the beginning. Then one year I said SCREW THAT. I'm not wasting this time on cleaning. I'm going to read and sleep late and play computer games all night long. BECAUSE I CAN."

So yesterday I took a day off and went to the mall. I got Starbucks and wandered to my heart's content. I tried on clothes at Chico's and looked at earrings at Brighton. I also had a Williams Sonoma gift card that was burning a hole in my pocket. Here's what I got:

Aren't these cute? Maybe I'll make them as a welcome home treat for the kids. Depends on how much cleaning I get through. Besides, I've only cooked once since the kids left. I'm not sure I remember how to make cookies. Can you believe that?

Don't tell the Tasty Kitchen people. I logged on Monday morning to find that I'm the "Featured Member" this week. It means my face is right there, smiling at you when you get on TK's web site. I had to go get a paper bag to breathe into. No, not really, but what a surprise! My only concern is, usually the featured members are really, cool, prolific cooks. What if they find out I'm a big fake and choose carpet-cleaning over cooking? They'll take away my Heisman or something like that.

I emailed Duane the link to TK and told him I'd be willing to sell him an autograph, now that I was famous and all. Then I said,

"Hey, now that I'm, like, some sort of celebrity, I shouldn't be cleaning the carpets. I should have PEOPLE to do that. Right? I need people."

The kids can't come home fast enough. Someone needs to remind me where I came from.

Fat Friday: Mexican Meat Loaves

Happy Friday, folks! I've been crazy busy around here, trying to get things together and laundry done - all the usual before a trip. Difference being Duane and I aren't the ones traveling. Yep, we're putting our precious children on an airplane tomorrow morning - by themselves - and flying them to Kansas for the annual Grandkid's Vacation.

We started thinking about it several months ago. Should we let them fly by themselves? Maybe the kids wouldn't want to. We figured Daniel would be the holdout and that would make our decision easy - if any of them were uncomfortable traveling by themselves we wouldn't do the whole unaccompanied minor thing. To our complete surprise, we got a unanimous "AWESOME, MOM!" from them all.

Dang it. Now the ball was back in our court. Should we/shouldn't we/should we/shouldn't we?

Duane and I eventually came to terms with it and we bought the tickets. Now, knowing they'll be leaving tomorrow - all by themselves - I'm starting to freak out a tiny little bit. I'm pretty sure I'll lose it tomorrow as I watch them disappear down the jetway. A situation that will be remedied by a latte from Coffee People in the Portland airport, the only place in the world you can get Coffee People coffee. It's worth the trip to Portland for this coffee, folks. Seriously.

Oh, sorry, tangent. Back to me . . .

Anyway, I'll get my latte and go home and start cleaning. Because whenever I'm stressed, I exhibit one of two completely opposite behaviors. Here are my choices:

1. Clean. I'm talking putting-the-herbs-in-alphabetical-order clean. I usually do this when I have stress that causes me to cry - a friend who's moving away, a death in the family, my kids flying solo without us - that kind of thing. My other choice of behavior is;

2. Turn into a slug. This is for normal stress - a schedule that's too tight, too many times saying "yes" when I really don't have time - blah, blah, blah. This is the kind of stress that paralyzes me because it's of my own making. I look at all the crud I should be doing and I'm overwhelmed, so I just stop. Stop doing anything. Stop dusting and vacuuming and doing laundry and cooking. Which is why I food blog every Friday. At least my family gets a home-cooked meal once a week.

Oooooh. I just realized something. The crying-stress-cleaning thing is something over which I have no control. The normal-stress-slug thing I DO have control over. Hey, I should be a psychologist. Maybe I'll start an advice column. If you have any deep concerns with which you need my advice and years of professional experience, please leave a comment. I'll do my best to help you. Of course, keep in mind that I'm shallow and think chocolate will cure anything. But still.

So, I've made the decision that tomorrow I'll channel my stress into something productive and clean my house until I get the "all's OK" phone call from my mom and dad. They've been strictly instructed to call me no later than 2:35 pm, Kansas time. The flight arrives at 2:30 so that's more than enough time to reassure a couple of highly-strung parents (OK, maybe just a highly-strung mom) that their precious kids are safe and sound.

I think 5 minutes of flexibility is quite enough.

So anyway, you came here to see me cook something, didn't you? How about Mexican meat loaves? Another winner from my mom! They come together quickly and cook in the microwave. The perfect meal on a hot summer day.

Let's get started . . .

You'll need:

2 lbs. hamburger

2 eggs

2 c. oatmeal

2/3 c. salsa, your choice

1/4 c. finely chopped onion

2 t. parsley

4 t. chili powder

1-1/2 t. salt

1 c. water

1/4 c. grated cheese, your choice

My favorite salsa is called "southwest salsa" It's usually a store brand in whatever grocery store I happen to be shopping. It's full of interesting ingredients like corn and black beans. I love this salsa and it makes these meat loaves even more tasty!

Put all but the hamburger into a large bowl. Let it sit a bit, until the water has softened the oatmeal and made it nice and mushy.

Then add the hamburger. You'll have to mush it up with your hands. It feels great and it looks even better! And you're saying, "Way to go, Karenpie. You've given us another recipe that looks like cat food. Maybe you should stick to psychology."

Divide the cat food mush into 8 equal portions. I find it easiest to do it this way.

Form each portion into a small loaf and put 4 of these loaves in a greased pie plate. These are very healthy (read: BIG) portions. You won't go away from this meal hungry!

Microwave it on high for 7-9 minutes. Sprinkle some of the grated cheese on top and micro-cook another minute on high.

With a green salad, fruit and more salsa, this makes a terrific summer meal! It literally takes less than a half hour to whip up.

I need quick meals in my repertoire. Especially since I'm going to be working full time as a psychologist. We working professionals can't skimp on giving our families healthy meals, no matter how stressed out we are.

Lego Day 2010

Lego Day 2010 has come and gone.

It began at approximately 11 am this morning, while I was still in my pajamas, vacuuming the playroom. Which, by the way, has not seen a vacuum cleaner for at least 3 months. It's hard to sweep around Legos.

We got a new vacuum cleaner yesterday, one of those that has the cylinder in it and you can see all the crud that's been living in your carpet. My carpet's disgusting. But what did I expect after 3 months of neglect? Anyway . . .

There I was, still in my PJ's when the Lego enthusiasts started arriving. In two's and three's, making a beeline for the playroom and the Legos. And of course I heard enthusiastic exclamations from them all,

"Jeez, Mrs. Karenpie, your carpet looks fantastic! Have you been working yourself to the bone for US?"

I love living in my fantasy world.

So . . . 21 kids. 42 shoes.

Lunch boxes covering my kitchen counter. Because I don't mind having a bazillion kids over, but I won't make them lunch. I'm selfish like that.

I did make them cookies. Actually, Otis Spunkmeyer made cookies, courtesy of Costco and my friend, Davi. You know the boxes of frozen cookie dough balls? Genius. Then, as I was taking the last batch out of the oven, I tilted the pan too much and my Silpat baking mat slid off the sheet and into my hot oven, taking a dozen cookies with it. And there were a ton of kids in my kitchen so I couldn't cuss.

I scraped all the crumbs and wads of gooey cookie into a big pile on the cookie sheet and let them go for it. You just can't waste good cookies, people. It's against the law.

So there were Lego creations,

. . . and bigger creations.

Not to mention ginormous creations. OK, the black one wasn't created here. Josh made it at home and brought it over so we could ooh and aah over it. You should have heard how quiet it got in my house as the boys examined it from every angle.

There was a huge Nerf war outside.

And Perlers inside.

And there was cuteness.

Lots and lots . . . . .

. . . of cuteness. But don't tell anyone. Lego Day is not supposed to be cute.

So, Lego Day is over and now it's time for Lego Night.

Come to Mama.

Fat Friday: Crescent Spinach and Cheese Bake

Crescent spinach and cheese bake. Mmmmmmm.

We had this last night for supper. And I had it this morning for breakfast. And lunch. What can I say? I love these kinds of leftovers. In fact, that's my favorite breakfast food - leftovers. I love leftover pasta or lasagna or pizza for breakfast. I'm not much of a cereal or donut girl when it comes to morning food and while I'd never say no to a donut (especially a maple bar or a chocolate cake donut - tastes just like a brownie, man) what I really like is real food for breakfast.

And when you make these I'm sure you'll agree! Let's get movin'.

Here are your ingredients:

1/2 c. finely chopped onion

1 garlic clove, chopped

2 T. oil

1/4 t. salt

1/8 t. cayenne pepper

10 oz. frozen, chopped spinach, most of the liquid squeezed out

1/2 c. cooked rice (I use brown rice but any kind will work)

1-1/2 c. grated mozzarella cheese

3 T. grated Parmesan cheese

2 eggs, slightly beaten

2 T. milk

8 oz. tube of crescent rolls

Start by cooking the chopped onion and garlic in the oil. Then, in a large bowl, mix everything except the rolls together.

When you make this, your mixture will look more green. That's because, in a pathetic, last-ditch effort to get Daniel to eat this dish, I reduced the amount of spinach. Basically, I doubled everything but the spinach in order to make the pickiest eater in the universe take one bite. ONE BITE. That's all I ask.

In our family, it's called the "no thank you" bite. You have to eat at least one bite of whatever I've cooked, even if you don't like it. I'm a drill sergeant, man.

Daniel doesn't like spinach and it has nothing to do with it's taste or green-ness. It's because it's stringy. Daniel calls it "hairy". And if he feels this hairy, stringiness in his mouth he will throw up. Yes, he will. Will too. And it makes the rest of us gag when he does it. Serving spinach in any form makes dinner time really interesting in our house.

I've gotta tell you, I can't wait to have teenage boys in my house. Teenage boys who eat and eat and eat. Boys who, with their friends, descend on my refrigerator and leave it cleaned out and bare. Like an infestation of locusts in Biblical times. I can't wait until I have to shop at Costco and buy tons of food to keep them happy. Because boys who eat make me happy. I'll let you know when that happens.

Back to the spinach thingie I'm trying to tell you about.

Unroll the crescent rolls and separate the triangles. Flatten each one with a rolling pin to make it slightly bigger.

Have you ever seen the movie "Elf"? One of my favorite movies - definitely in my top 10. Remember the part where Buddy (the Elf) is working in Santa's workshop and testing jack-in-the-boxes? He turns the little handle and as it gets closer to the clown popping out, he turns it more and more slowly, turning his head away and squinting his eyes in anticipation of the pop.

That's me when I open up these tubes of crescent rolls. I slowly pull the little paper off, holding it at arm's length and squinting my eyes, anticipating the pop when the tube suddenly breaks open. I swear if someone had been videotaping me yesterday, while I was making this for dinner, they'd win some money.

On the large end, put about 1/3 c. of the spinach mixture and roll it up.

You'll end up with a nice little roll. See the little point of dough, there in the middle? Put that side down in a greased pie plate.

You'll be able to fit all eight in a pie plate. You'll probably also end up with some extra filling. Just tuck it in the spaces between rolls.

Bake it 25-30 minutes at 350F. It should be golden brown over the top. I served it for dinner last night with a green salad and watermelon. Yummy! It makes the house smell so good!

Mine got more brown than I like - I left it in the turned-off-but-still-hot oven while we waited for Duane to come home and it got pretty brown. But it was good!

Especially for breakfast.

Twirly-Whirly-Girly

About a month ago Katie had her ballet recital, something she and the other little girls in her class had been working on for over five months.

I took a ton of pictures, then promptly forgot to post them. The recital came and went, completely overshadowed by the Cat Pee Crisis. With which I am still struggling. Stupid cat. But I digress.

We were talking about the beautiful ballerina girl who lives in this house! Let me show you what I'm talking about . . .

Here are the other little girls with whom Katie dances. Miss Tasha, a beautiful ballerina herself, is their teacher. She's second from the left on top.

Before the dress rehearsal, they all gathered on stage for some last minute instructions.

When Katie's class performed, she was at the very end, stage left. She didn't have the advantage of seeing the other girls do the routine, so Katie had to know it cold. She did so well!

This is her third year of ballet and it seemed like this year, she got it - how to hold her arms, legs and body like a ballerina. It was beautiful!

Sometimes Katie gets tired of ballet and I have to talk her down off the ledge. She won't want to go to class or talk about what she's learning. But she'll stick with it, working hard anyway. Because I make her. See what a supportive mom I am?

See, Duane and I are pretty sure our sweet little ballerina is going to be around 6'2" tall. Considering how tall the both of us are, our kids don't have a chance of being petite. So, if Katie can learn how to hold herself gracefully and have the core and leg strength it takes to do ballet, she'll ROCK at volleyball. Can anyone say "college scholarship"?

Oops! Major tangent.

So Katie will whine and complain and cry about going to ballet. Then a miracle happens! The recital costumes come in.

. . . and we come to the real reason a lot of little girls like ballet.

The dresses.

Twirly, whirly girly dresses. Feminine and puffy and sweet. With matching hair pieces.

You just can't do this in volleyball.

Fat Friday: Brownie Cookies

Hey - is it Friday? Because I'm feeling vaguely like I should be giving you guys a recipe but all I've done so far today is read my book. And cry. And I'm not talkin' getting-tears-in-my-eyes-crying. I'm talking tears running down my face, blubbering-crying. I'm not a pretty crier.

Yep. I got so engrossed in a Kristin Hannah book, Firefly Lane, that I forgot about blogging today. Her books are so good - so very, very good - that I forget about being a grownup and taking care of things in my life. Oh, what am I saying, I do that with most books I read.

Anyway, you should check out Kristin Hannah. She rocks. And she's from the Pacific Northwest with all kinds of references to this area in her books.

So, in the midst of the reading and crying and feeling like I should be doing something constructive with my time, I knew I'd have to do a fast, easy recipe today. And people, let me tell you - these cookies are all that. Hopefully you have a favorite brownie mix in your pantry because you'll be whipping these up in no time!

Here we go . . .

You only need 4 ingredients!

1 brownie mix

2 eggs

1/4 c. vegetable oil

1 c. chocolate chips (they're already in my brownie mix so you don't see them up there)

I've made these cookies three times in the last couple of weeks, using a different mix each time. I know I've waxed rhapsodic about this brownie mix before and you should believe me - it's the best. I am an expert in brownies. Really - if they offered college degrees in making brownies I'd have a PhD.

Put the mix in a large bowl. Make a well in the center and crack 2 eggs into the well. Pour in the vegetable oil. You can also add 1 c. oatmeal to the batter. I haven't tried it yet but doesn't that sound yummy?

Mix it all together and drop it onto a greased cookie sheet or a baking mat.

I like to use a small ice cream scoop for this because then the cookies are all the same size.

I'm into conformity. I'm also into my kids and their friends not touching all of them as they try to decide which one is bigger.

Bake them 9-11 minutes at 350F.

Aren't they gorgeous? I love the shiny, crackly tops - just like a brownie! They are chewy and chocolaty and perfect for those times when you need a brownie fix but don't want to wait around for 45 minutes for them to bake.

I just don't have that kind of time, man. I've got books to read.

Celebrating on the Fourth

What a fun weekend! We had a - ahem - BLAST over the fourth! In every way possible. Here is photo documentation of the shenanigans.

See what I mean? Fireworks are legal in our neck of the woods. We LOVE it!

Sparkler bomb, coming up.

This gang of trouble makers was completely OK with the legality of fireworks. When is it not fun, I ask you, to blow things up? Of course, it's always been my opinion that you need a Y chromosome to really appreciate it, but Katie hung right in there. She chose fireworks with names like "Sparkling Diamonds" and "Blooming Flowers".

You know, like if Barbie was marketing fireworks for little girls.

This was the scene within the firing zone. You will notice there are no females except Katie. We were all hanging back, waiting for the show to start.

Yep, our men-folk like to put on a big fireworks display. Mortars, baby. It's the only way to celebrate the Fourth.

Bombs bursting in air, indeed.

There was just a small mess . . . .

This was the scene in the safety zone. Lisa is taking pretty pictures of the nice, warm fire that Monica made.

I don't know where you guys live, but in our neck of the woods it was in the 50's and the wind was blowing. Which made it, like 24 degrees below zero. We had coats, blankets and a fire going. Coldest Fourth of July I can remember.

So, how to keep warm? Well . . . .

. . . these helped. I found a recipe for Watermelon Limeade on Tasty Kitchen. It was delicious! Especially with vodka. So, in honor of the holiday, I renamed it. This isn't just watermelon limeade, folks. This is now called (drumroll please) The Rocket's Red Glare. Get it? For the Fourth of July? Pretty nifty, huh? I should be in advertising. Or marketing. Or merchandising or whatever you call it when you get to name food.

Which brings us to the important part of any holiday. The food.

Can I just tell you . . . I made this? Yes, you heard me - I MADE THIS. Isn't it beautiful? And festive? And completely appropriate for the Fourth of July?

Also (shhhhhhhh - don't tell anyone) it was easy. Really. But don't give it away. I want you to think I slaved and cooked and toiled, all in the name of celebrating our nation's independence. I'm patriotic like that.

Here's the recipe. Courtesy of Pioneer Woman and Barefoot Contessa.

And these - these were a blast to make. What's more American than Jello? Don't answer that.

Did you know that Jello was invented in the state of New York? Really. Each fourth-grader at school did a massive state project. They did research and came up with all kinds of interesting tidbits regarding their chosen state. Then they had a State Fair and showed off their hard work. That's the only reason I know that Jello was invented in NY state. Because I went to a fourth-grade presentation.

So, we grilled and we had people over and we had homemade ice cream and shot fireworks. I love this holiday!

But here's what I don't ever, ever want to take for granted; that I can do all these things in safety and freedom. That I can do all those things plus worship the God of the Bible without fearing for my life or the lives of my family. All because of guys like this and the men and women who went before him -

Our friend, Nathan. He's a Seabee and leaves this week for Afghanistan and the beautiful, resort destination of Kandahar. Where the people love Americans and throw roses and candy at them when they walk down the street (Nathan's words). His wife, Jessica, is a friend and a chick. Their son, Andrew, and Matthew are best buds. Which, of course, makes them family.

I don't ever want to forget the sacrifice he and others in the military make, to secure our country and the freedoms with which we are blessed.

God bless you Nathan! Be safe.