His life used to be so awesome . . .

As I've shared here before, we took a short vacation to Kansas over Memorial Day. Whenever we travel, we make arrangements for someone to take care of our two cats; Krissy, who lives in the backyard and Toby, who lives inside. Usually, the Harmon boys (our boys' friends) come over every day while we're gone and feed, water and clean out the litter box. There have never, EVER been any problems with the cats when we travel.

Until this trip.

When we walked into the house, after being gone for a week, there was a strong odor of cat. And you KNOW what I mean by that. Our kitchen/family room/breakfast nook smelled like the litter box. I thought, what the heck? Why does it stink in here? Then I noticed the Harmon boys had put dirty cat litter - tied up inside plastic grocery sacks - in our kitchen trash. I was relieved, all I had to do was put the trash out and the smell would go away - easy fix.

But the smell didn't go away. I gave it a couple of days and nothing changed. In fact, I noticed it was really strong in our family room. When we'd sit and watch TV, the smell of cat urine was horribly strong. It was grossing me out and driving me NUTS. I couldn't find the source. Finally, I got down on my hands and knees and started smelling my way around the room - nose to the carpet like some kind of Amazon bloodhound.

And I found it. Right in front of our oak entertainment armoire, the carpet was stiff and sticky with cat urine. All I could think was, "What the HELL? Why'd Toby do that?" He never misses his litter box. He's had very good manners the 6 years he's been living inside our house so what was the problem?

I got out the wet-vac and the rags and the vinegar and the bucket of soapy water and started cleaning. As I got down to start working on the carpet, my eyes were right at the level of the brass knobs on the lower doors of the armoire. They didn't look right. As I looked closer, I realized that they were corroded and a weird color. Then I smelled them. Cat pee. What the HELL? How on earth can cat pee get up so high? These knobs were 16 inches off the ground. And it hit me - Toby hadn't missed his litter box, he was spraying.

For some crazy reason, Toby had decided to start spraying in the house and he picked our oak entertainment armoire as his target. Now, I'm not a cat whisperer. I'm not a pet psychic. I have no idea why he did it. Was he mad? Frustrated? Why would he pick this vacation and that place to bitch-slap us around?

As angry as I was at Toby, I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Surely now that we were home and his world was back to normal, he'd get his good manners back. I gave him another chance.

I've spent hours on the carpet and the armoire. I happened to complain about it to Monica, who has cat issues herself and she brought over her arsenal of products to help me. I started soaking the carpet with a special solution. I sprayed the doors of the armoire - inside and out - every day with the same solution, leaving the doors open to air dry.

So a week went by. I worked on the carpet and the armoire every day, unable to determine why the smell was not abating. It was much better but it wasn't gone. Then one night Duane and I were watching TV. Suddenly Duane said,

"What's that cat doing?"

"What? WHERE?" I asked. Instant red alert. I looked and there was our kitty, backed up to the entertainment center, tail straight up in the air and twitching - SPRAYING THE OPEN ARMOIRE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. You could hear the sound of the pee hitting the wood. I shot up off the sofa, yelling my head off and Toby ran. I chased him down, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and smashed his face into the fresh cat pee. Then, still holding him by his neck, I stomped to the back door and threw his ass outside, where he now lives.

I was mad and I was sad. Toby has brought our family so much joy. He's been a dream cat - relaxed, loving and laid back. But he can't ruin our house, right? So I was sad, right up until I started cleaning up the fresh mess and realized the urine spray had gone inside the armoire where we store all the CD's and DVD's. I had left the doors open for days, to air out the inside, not realizing he was continuing to spray.

Do you know how many CD's and DVD's we have? Like, a million. And they all had to be individually wiped down with Pine Sol. Except for the ones that have those cheap cardboard cases - those are toast.

Stupid, stupid cat.

Toby now lives outside permanently. He is no longer welcome in the house. Well, OK, sometimes the kids let him in to play with him but we don't take our eyes off him. He can't be trusted. He used to have it so good but he - quite literally - pissed it all away. Stupid cat.

To commemorate this time in our lives, Katie and I made up a song about Toby and I'm here to share the talent with you. Ready?

Toby's Cat Pee Song

(Sung to the tune of "Jesus Loves the little Children")

Kitty, kitty, kitty Toby

You are so naughty.

You are naugh-augh-aughty,

Cause you went po-o-tty,

On the carpet in front of the TV.

Stupid, stupid kitty Toby,

Why'd you have to be so bad?

You slept on our beds

You got pets on your head,

Now you live outside and your life is crap.

The End.

Fat Friday: Snickerdoodle Muffins

And you thought the only recipe you were gonna get this week was for Mai Tai's. Where's your faith? Would I leave you with only adult beverages to work with?

Wait - don't answer that.

Let's just say that the nostalgia from yesterday - while not completely gone - has taken a back burner to these muffins. These glorious, beautiful, wonderful Snickerdoodle muffins! They're moist and full of cinnamon flavor. And when you bite into them, you get a little cheesecake surprise. They'll change your life, man. Forget that I say that about all food - these will REALLY change your life.

Let's get to bakin'.

You'll need:

2 c. flour

1 c. sugar

2 t. baking powder

1-1/2 t. cinnamon

1/4 heaping t. salt

1 egg

1 c. milk

4 T. butter, melted

1 t. vanilla

There are also ingredients for the cream cheese filling and cinnamon-sugar topping. I'll list those when we get to those parts.

Whisk the dry ingredients - flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt - together in a large bowl.

Whisk the wet ingredients - egg, milk, melted butter and vanilla - together in a separate bowl. Pour over the dry ingredients.

Whisk until just combined and let it sit while you get your muffin pans ready. This recipe makes a dozen and I like to use paper liners.

Have any of you tried those cute, colorful, reuseable silicon liners? What do you think of them? I'm tempted whenever I see them but haven't given into the urge to buy them. I need endorsements from some of you experienced bakers before I bite the bullet.

Fill your muffin cups about 1/3 full and let them sit while you make the cream cheese filling.

You'll need:

2 oz. cream cheese, softened

1 t. butter, softened

1/2 c. powdered sugar

1/8 t. vanilla

Beat it all together in a small bowl.

Then, scoop out small amounts, about the size of a grape.

Plop these scoops of cream cheese lusciousness in the middle of the muffin cups. Don't let them touch the sides - they need to stay in the middle.

Then use the rest of the batter to cover the filling.

They will be filled almost to the top. Put them in a 350F oven for 18 - 20 minutes. While they're baking, make the cinnamon sugar topping with:

1/4 t. cinnamon

1-1/2 t. sugar

Mix that up and you have two options for using it-

1. Sprinkle it on the tops of the muffins before you bake them. It'll bake into the muffin and make a shiny top. Or,

2. Sprinkle it on after baking, which is what I prefer. I like to see the sparkly topping.

I got the recipe from Cooking Ventures on Tasty Kitchen, my favorite web site for new recipes. If you're ever in the mood for something new - TK is like a huge, online cookbook. Members on the site submit their own, tried-and-true recipes and so far, everything I've tried has been awesome. I've got a few of my recipes there, too!

Yummy! My kids - and the friends playing over here the day I made these - went nuts over these muffins. Next time I make them I may put in some cinnamon chips - could the goodness get any better?

Make 'em for breakfast tomorrow and your families will erect a statue in your honor. Then they'll rub your feet and give you the day off.

Enjoy!

One year ago, today . . .

Exactly one year ago, today, we took our first trip to Hawaii. Exactly one year ago, today, I caught my first glimpse of the incredibly beautiful blue-green waters of Maui. Exactly one year ago, today, I fell in love with a place I never expected to love. Sure, I thought I'd like it, I mean who doesn't like tropical paradise? Who doesn't like warm sun and the smell of plumeria? Who wouldn't like relaxing by a pool while someone brings you a Mai Tai?

I knew I'd like it - I just never thought I'd be head-over-heels about it within 4 hours of the plane touching down. But that was me - completely smitten.

It's hard to believe it was a year ago. Maui had such an impact on not just me, but our entire family. We all had a blast. All sixteen of us, staying in the Kapalua Bay/Ritz Carlton area. If I had to do it all over again (yup, I'd make the sacrifice) I wouldn't change one single thing!

I've never been on a vacation where I wasn't ready to come home after about 4 days. Until Maui, where I didn't want to leave. Seriously, I cried when we landed in Portland.

The next day, I woke up and immediately went to see my friend, Jenny, who is a Maui-lover too. I walked into her office, handed her an orchid lei and said,

"I get it. I totally get why you're always either a) talking about Maui or b) plotting how to get there. I get it."

Then I went to the grocery store and bought any food that had the word "Hawaiian" in it. Let's see, to the best of my recollection, this was our supper the night after we returned from Maui:

Grilled chicken with Yoshida's Hawaiian Sweet & Sour marinade

Pineapple - one we brought back with us

King's Hawaiian rolls ( I don't know why those are Hawaiian but they're sweet and good with no nutritional value whatsoever)

Mai Tai's

So - big ta-da moment here - in honor of being in Hawaii a year ago, I'm drinking a Mai Tai as I type this. And trying to keep the typos to a minimum. If all goes as planned, I won't care about typos.

You want to know how to make a Mai Tai? Come along! Come along! I will show it to you! Your mother will not mind at all if I do!

Dr. Seuss and adult beverages - can the day GET any better? I submit that it CANNOT.

You will need:

Triple Sec

Light Rum

Dark Rum

Amaretto

Sweet and sour mix (the yellow stuff in the mason jar - homemade, baby)

half of a lime

You will buy it at a liquor store far away from your neighborhood so none of your church friends will see you.

You will note there is no pineapple juice. That's because there isn't supposed to be pineapple juice in Mai Tai's. At least there was none in any of the Mai Tai's I drank in Maui so there is none in this recipe. I'm all about the authenticity, people. Anyway -

For one drink, measure out an ounce each of the two rums, amaretto, triple sec and sweet and sour.

I love this little 2-ounce measuring cup my mom gave me. It's perfect for making drinks. However, I need a bigger measuring cup so I can do all the ingredients together instead of two at a time.

My life is so hard.

Pour the ingredients over a glass of ice.

Ream the lime then squeeze it into the glass. In this picture, my helper was learning how to ream limes so I could take the pictures. It's a good skill set for a fourth - oops, FIFTH-grader to have. There is nothing, NOTHING more important that getting Mommy's cocktail right.

"Kids! Put that homework away! This Mai Tai isn't going to make itself, now is it?"

Give it a stir and dream about being at the Maui Ritz Carlton pool.

Then give me a call, I'll commiserate with you.

Cards and more cards!

Last Saturday night I hosted a major event. Well, I almost hosted a major event. I was supposed to host this galactically important major event before I caught the hurling crud from Katie.

Thirteen of my card-making, paper-crafting, super-creative friends and I got together for a ginormous (could I use any more superlatives in this post?) card making party!

I originally hatched the idea in April, when I looked at my hand-made card stash and realized all I had was baby cards. And I needed 5 birthday, 2 Mother's Day, 4 graduation and 9 thank you cards. I thought to myself, "How can I get a bunch of cards without doing all the work myself?" Because seriously, I love to make my own cards but am always waiting until the last minute to make them. I need a stash, man. I needed to lay in a supply.

So I started planning a big party. It took us awhile to get our schedules together and it was worth it! The party was a blast. Except for the part where I couldn't get my sorry butt out of bed to a) clean my house and b) design a card.

Enter my friend and neighbor, Monica, who was planning to come to the ginormous, important, galactically - uh, whatever. That's her card up there.

She called me Friday, the day before the party, to ask a simple question and got my garbled, weak and completely lack-luster voice on the phone. She determined I was sick and then said she'd have the party at her house. Being the control freak that I am, I told her no, I'd feel better the next day, when I would clean my entire house, make party food, catch up on my laundry, design a card and set up all the tables necessary for the extravaganza.

When your brain is fried and feverish and your stomach is churning, you think things are reasonable when they aren't. Monica let me live in this fantasy world until the next morning, when she called again and here's what she said this time;

"Karen, I know you're sick so what do you need? I'm available to help you clean your house, set up tables and design your card. What do you want me to do?"

Is that not the mark of a true friend? I was absolutely humbled by her selflessness! So I responded, "Is the offer of doing this gig at your house still open?" She said, "Of course!" so that's what happened. Her husband, Rick, cleaned their entire house, he and Duane set up tables and I just showed up for party time. Still felt a little shaky but the party must go on!

Here's how we did it; we carved out a small space for each of our cards at one of the many tables Monica had ready. These were little "stations" that had the demo card plus all the materials needed to make one for yourself. Throughout the night we rotated through each station, making cards and drinking cosmos.

There were strict instructions - we were to do no cutting, punching or stamping on the cards - that was to be done by the designer, before coming to the party. The only thing we did at the end of the party was stamp a greeting (or sentiment) inside the card. That way we could all choose whether we wanted a card to be a thank you, birthday, Mother's Day, etc. I brought all my ink pads and "word" stamps for that purpose. It was such a blast! We're going to do the same thing next fall and make all Christmas cards. I know, I'm a genius.

Here are some of the cards we made:

Melissa's holding the card Lisa designed. She was so funny - in the middle of all the card making she said, "I feel like I'm stealing!" We all brought one card design but took home 18. It kinda did feel like we were taking too much!

Shannon and her daughter, Sam, came and Shannon made this card -

Isn't this a cute little Thanksgiving card?

Here are more examples -

Kathy's card,

Bethany's card,

Jenn's card,

Melissa's card,

Heather made a cute strawberry-themed card that I brought home and haven't finished yet. She was Matthew's 4th-grade teacher. It feels weird calling her by her first name.

It was the best card party EVER! Of course, cosmos make everything a bit more fun, wouldn't you say?

Do you guys make cards? If so, leave me your email address in the comments and I'll make sure to include you next fall for the big Christmas card gig!

Fat Friday: Grandma's Butterscotch Pie

Ooooh - another celebrity guest food blogger at Karenpie!

Duane's mom, Joan, also known as Grandma, gets the honors today. She's going to teach us how to make her famous butterscotch pie. Pies are a staple in the Kogler household and are probably Stan's (Duane's dad) favorite dessert. I asked him once what his favorite pie was and he said,

"I like two kinds of pies - hot and cold." Gotta love someone who's that easy to please!

So, can you handle the excitement? More importantly, can you handle the pie? Let's see if you're up to the task.

Here's whatcha need -

1 c. brown sugar

1 t. salt

1/3 c. flour

3 eggs, separated

2 c. milk, scalded

1 t. vanilla

2 T. butter

You'll also need ingredients for the crust and the meringue. I'll list them when we get to those parts. Be patient - my celebrity guest food blogger is nervous and temperamental. I had to give in to all kinds of whims - rose petals on the floor, chilled, mountain spring water bottled in the Swiss Alps and served in a crystal goblet, a licensed masseuse standing by in case her arm got tired from whisking - you know, the things that I usually have when I cook.

NOT.

Whisk the brown sugar, salt and flour together in a large, microwave-safe bowl. Pour in the scalded milk and whisk to mix.

Begin microwaving. Cook on high, stopping every 2 minutes to stir. During this process, here's how the conversation with my celebrity guest food blogger (CGFB) went down .

Karenpie: "How long was that in the microwave?"

CGFB: "I think it was 2 minutes. Maybe two minutes and 12 seconds."

KP: "So it's been cooking a total of 6 minutes?"

CGFB: "No, more like around 4 minutes. Maybe 5 minutes. Or something like that. I don't usually think about it. I just start cooking it and looking at it every couple of minutes."

And, just to let you know, I love watching people cook like this - they know the recipe so well and they're so experienced in the kitchen, it's almost harder for them when they have to think about the recipe and explain it as they cook. My mother-in-law is one of those rare breed of cooks - a farm wife who has been cooking since she was a child. Joan told me she learned how to cook from her mom, who died when she was 15, and from a lady who hired her as a 6th-grader, to help her around her farm. Joan helped this lady can and garden, cook and gather eggs and butcher chickens. She earned $1.50 a day.

She's forgotten more about cooking than I'll ever know. Anyway, back to the pie filling -

We eventually decided it will take a total of 4-6 minutes in the microwave before you see it doing this -

It will start foaming up and thickening.

Take it out of the microwave and whisk in the egg yolks, one at a time.

Joan had an able assistant helping her separate the eggs -

"I love to break eggs!"

It was a little tough, figuring out how to separate them. Fortunately, my CGFB was a good teacher. However, at this point I started getting attitude.

CGFB: "This is the longest I've ever taken, making this pie. I'd usually be done by now."

KP: "I know, taking pictures of each little step is a hassle. Also, teaching a 7-year old how to separate eggs is a bit challenging. Can I get you some water in your crystal goblet?"

CGFB: "No. Where's that masseuse?"

KP: "Uh . . . . . ."

Once the three egg yolks have been whisked in, start cooking it in the microwave in 2-minute increments again. And again with the attitude -

Speaking slowly, as to a very small child or pain-in-the-hiney daughter-in-law -

CGFB: " I . . . am . . . using . . . the . . . microwave. I . . . am . . . pushing buttons . . ."

What? Am I a magnet for smart alecs? Sheesh.

Cook another 2 minutes on high in the microwave, after you add the egg yolks. Stir in the butter and vanilla then set it aside.

Now we're ready for the crust. This pie goes into a pre-baked crust. If you have your own tried-and-true recipe, by all means use it! Here's how Joan makes hers-

In a medium bowl, mix together-

2-1/4 c. flour

1 t. salt

2/3 c. oil- canola or vegetable is fine

1/4 c. water

Stir it up until it forms a dough ball then separate it into 2 pieces. This recipe will make two crusts.

Flatten one of the dough balls between 2 pieces of waxed paper.

Then roll it out. Joan got this rolling pin over 50 years ago. It was a wedding present from her high school home ec teacher.

Peel the waxed paper off the top and transfer the dough to your pie plate. Then peel the other piece of waxed paper off. Isn't that nifty?

Make a pretty, ruffled edge and prick the crust all over with the tines of a fork.

Bake 10 - 12 minutes at 450F or until golden brown. When it's done baking, leave your oven on so you can bake the meringue.

In another bowl, beat your three egg whites with 1/4 c. sugar. See those stiff, glossy peaks? Perfect.

Pour the butterscotch filling into the baked pie shell and smooth it out.

Spoon the meringue on top and use a spatula to get it all the way to the edge of the pie crust, sealing in the filling. The meringue will shrink as it bakes. If you don't get it all the way to the edge of the crust, you'll end up with filling showing through. Lord help us if our filling shows. How embarrassing.

You can also use your spatula to make pretty waves and swirls in the meringue. Put the pie back in the 450F oven and bake until the top is nice and golden brown - around 10 minutes. Or it might have been 15. Sigh. Just watch it, OK?

See? How pretty is that?

Butterscotch pie - a Kogler family staple.