So, I went out to my freezer . . .

We go to Costco every week. Obviously because they don't sell things in big enough quantities and we tend to run out quickly.

Gah.

You already know how I feel about Costco. I am deeply and madly in love with Costco. I want to marry Costco and have little Costco babies. We have a dysfunctional relationship, Costco and I.

Costco is pretty close to Duane's office so he'll sometimes do the shopping and let me tell you, he comes home with things that aren't on the list. Things like flowers - for ME! Flowers for no other reason than I am his queen and he worships the very air I breathe. Or chocolate covered raisins which I'd never put on the list because they'd last, like, five minutes. Yes, the giant, 75 pound container of raisins. Five minutes. I'm a pig.

Back to my rant. Duane will come home from Costco and I'm all,

"So, what'd you get? Huh? Is this it? This looks like what was on the list. Where's the other stuff? The not-on-the-list stuff?"

I'm always secretly hoping for a 52-inch plasma screen TV or diamond earrings or something. Hey, quit judging me for my materialistic shallowness.

Anyway, last week he got home from Costco, unloaded and kept these away from me for a couple of days. They weren't on the list. It wasn't until the kids asked if they could have an ice cream sandwich that I got a heads up.

I said, "We don't have any ice cream sandwiches."

They said, "Yes we do. There's a ginormous box in the outside freezer."

So, of course I went to look and I obviously need to check the freezer more often. There was the huge box. I have to be honest here, ice cream is not my first choice when it comes to treats. I'd rather have a brownie, but in a pinch, ice cream will do.

I decided, reluctantly, to try one of the sandwiches. Honestly - "skinny cow"? That doesn't exactly make my taste buds sit up and take notice. Now, "cream-filled, butter-laden, sugar-coma cow"? That'll work.

. . . and you know, it wasn't bad. Not bad at all. I decided to finish it off while I investigated the contents of the other freezer in the garage. Who knows what else I could have missed?

Oh look. Snowballs.

Snowballs on steroids. Thank you Katie.

Just another little peek into my life. There's also vodka in the freezer. Shoulda taken a picture of that.

Six Chicks

Last night we had our second annual Six Chicks party. Me and five girlfriends, wine, chocolate, cosmos and hilarity. Singly, we're mature, wise and level-headed. Together we're snarky, goofy and unquestionably inappropriate. Any day now I expect one of them to say,

"My husband thinks it would be wise if I didn't hang with you anymore."

We all know each other from our kids' school. We know each other REALLY well from walking Portland to Coast together the last couple of years. Let me tell you, you never really know a person until you spend 28 hours in the same car - sleep deprived, stinky and physically challenged.

We started Six Chicks last year to celebrate everyone's birthdays. I made dinner, we drank wine and watched the 6-hour version of "Pride and Prejudice" (in my humble opinion, Colin Firth makes the best Mr. Darcy). This year we did the same thing only we watched "Sense and Sensibility". Do you see a pattern here?

You wanna meet the chicks? Buckle up . . .

This is Lisa. Her husband said he'd rather stick a fork in his eye than watch "Sense and Sensibility".

He's so unevolved.

Another mark against him - he doesn't want Lisa to do Portland to Coast this year. Some lame reason about it being his vacation and wanting his wife to be with him. So, he left me no choice. As team captain, I instructed all of the High Maintenance Chicks to sleep with him - to sorta sweeten the deal.

Hey, sometimes you have to take one for the team. *snort*

This is Melissa and she's definitely the nicest one out of all the chicks. A good quality to have since she's a preschool teacher. Does she look scared? Worried? Concerned? This is after the second round of cosmos and I think we were plotting revenge of some sort.

Here's Davi. She's concerned but hiding it well. She's a family counselor and parenting coach. I think Davi is wishing she could go back in time and have some influence on our parents.

Jessica is also a nice chick. She's probably wondering why she's at my house, hanging with these naughty girls. Jessica doesn't drink alcohol or cuss. We try not to hold it against her.

Lisa had the best quote of the night; "Guys, I have to be honest here. One and a half cosmos is too many." You know what I say to that?

Wuss.

These are my girls, my posse, my chicks, my peeps, the wind beneath my wings, my . . . .

You get the idea.

They watch my kids at a moment's notice. They bring me dinner when I'm sick. They help me clean my house. They put up with my control freakishness and the dropping of the occasional f-bomb. They tell me I'm great when I confess total parenting mistakes. They can make me laugh so hard I cry.

I love you guys.

I just figured something out . . . .

. . . I'm not that interesting.

Crazy, huh? I've always held the belief that I'm fascinating but for the last couple of days, the truth has been staring me in the face. It's been staring at me while I've been staring at the computer screen, trying to write something witty. OK, I have to be honest - I haven't been on the computer much.

Sheesh - why do kids need to be fed THREE TIMES A DAY and do they really and truly need clean underwear? Wait - I need both of those things, too. Dang it. My life is totally interfering with my blogging time. Can I be honest here? It SUCKS to have a hobby that makes me feel guilty. I thought I hit my limit with scrapbooking and card-making which I haven't done in ages because frankly, this is more fun.

I feel bad when I don't post consistently. I don't want you to waste a visit here and see the same old football picture. By the way, has it worked? Are you impressing the crowd with your football knowledge? OK, enough about you, back to me.

I always look forward to January and the post-Christmas quiet. There are fewer commitments, no yard work, short days - the perfect recipe for reading and doing puzzles. This zone of quiet, uncommitted freedom lasted about five minutes this year. Within a week of school starting the committees started ramping up - school auction, school fun-run, school Family Fun Night. Add to that our neighborhood Valentine party, planning for Portland to Coast, our second annual Six Chicks party and room mother duties.

Can I come live with you?

Don't get me wrong - all of these things will be fun - it just overwhelms me because they're all clamoring for attention in my head. So, I do what any reasonable, organized, busy person would do.

I eat cookies. So far it's working for me.

Another thing that's been in my head - and my heart - is the situation in Haiti. Do you know they had 6.1 aftershock today? Excuse me, but isn't that another big earthquake? "Aftershock" sounds like a downgrade - like "hey, don't worry about that, it's just an aftershock". How much more can Haiti and it's people take?

Our church is heavily committed in Haiti. We support 6 people down there, 4 who teach in a seminary and 2 who run a Bible school for children in the slum of Merger. When the first earthquake hit, all I could do was pray. I tried to explain to the kids what was happening and Daniel said, "Mom, can you stop talking about it? It's making my stomach hurt." We have prayed and prayed and prayed. What else can you do except trust God and offer your fear up to Him? We've heard that the 6 adults are all alive and unhurt - a real praise! We don't know about the children in the school. Especially this one . . .

This is Yvenel. He's in the 4th grade and 10 years old. Just like Matthew.

We support him in school and he is "our" boy. His picture is on our refrigerator and we pray for him every day. I have to confess - I'm worried sick about him. We haven't heard if any of the kids in the school are OK. What can I do but pray?

Will you please pray with me?

Cookies aren't working anymore.

Just here to make you look good

Sadly, football season is almost over. The college bowl games ended last Thursday when the BCS championship was played (congratulations Alabama - even though I was cheering for Texas). The NFL is winding down, too. Or, depending on how you look at it - winding up. The Super Bowl is February 7th and playoffs began last weekend.

I love football. I mean - really, REALLY love it. I like the sound of it on TV and I like the fall weather in which it's played. I especially like Payton Manning commercials - that guy is hilarious.

I must confess, though, I don't know much about the the game. I'm a lazy spectator - I watch the ball and therefore, whomever is touching the ball. I don't watch the other 21 players on the field or how the play develops. There's a lot of strategy in football of which I'm completely unaware.

I once had a brilliant idea to pick a position and just watch that guy the entire game, so I could figure out what he does. That lasted until there was an exciting play and I forgot about him. Then I went back to watching the ball. But I've always wanted to be a girl who knows the game. I want to be wearing makeup, filing my nails with a cosmo nearby and unexpectedly and brilliantly offer commentary during the game. Something like,

"If that wide-out hadn't jumped his route it would have played."

I don't really know what that means but doesn't it sound good? So, let me digress a bit.

Do you remember a movie from the 90's called "Born Yesterday"? It starred Melanie Griffith, John Goodman and Don Johnson. She was an ex-show girl and John Goodman's arm-candy girlfriend. He wanted to be an important man in Washington but she was hindering his efforts with her dumb-blonde, uneducated ways. He hired Don Johnson, a professor-type, to polish her up and educate her. Don developed a "cheat sheet" for Melanie. She memorized a list of statements she could make, depending on the conversation, to sound educated and informed. The funny thing was, she didn't know what she was saying. She just memorized words. That is very intriguing to me and, since we're ramping up for the Super Bowl, gave me an idea.

Enter Duane, former football player and our professor. With his help, I have devised a list of things to say during a football game. If you memorize these eight statements, you can sit with the big boys, drink your cosmo, watch some ball and sound like you know what you're talking about. It will be beautiful! Plus I'm going to show you a bunch of pictures of Matthew playing football.

May I present to you . . . (drumroll please) . . .

THE FOOTBALL CHEAT SHEET

1. If the quarterback throws the ball (called a "pass") and nobody is there to catch it (usually a "wide receiver" catches passes - if you want to sound hip you call him a "wide-out") you say -

"He ran the wrong route."

2. If the guy carrying the ball (a "running back") doesn't run very far ("get any yards") because he's tackled quickly -

"Somebody missed their block."

3. When the official ("ref") throws a piece of yellow material on the ground (a "flag"), someone has broken a rule and will get a "penalty". You say -

"Holding." The key here is to say it before the TV announcers. You should say it every time the flag is thrown. Odds are, you'll be right 90% of the time.

4. If the quarterback is taking awhile to throw a pass - he "has a lot of time" and you say -

"They should have blitzed."

5. If a quarterback throws a lot of successful passes, called "passing yards", you can remark on the defense, saying,

"Their secondary is having a long day."

6. When whomever is carrying the ball breaks into the open and starts sprinting away -

"He's got wheels!"

7. If you want to make a general statement about a quarterback's passing ability -

"You rush the bad ones and you defend against the good ones."

8. And finally, if the ref throws a flag (see #3, above) for "pass interference" - ask,

"Was it catchable?"

Memorize the cheat sheet and dazzle some people. And seriously, folks, no need to thank me. No need at all! Well, I could use some chocolate. Especially when I'm watching football. Don't truffles just scream "football food" to you? I could delicately take a bite of truffle and then remark,

"That defensive end is just killing us today."

Go forth and conquer.

Leave me alone

I know you're going to laugh at this, heck you'll probably accuse me of lying, but here it is . . .

I'm an introvert.

Yes, really. I took a Jung-Meyers-Briggs personality test and was diagnosed. Here's the definition of introvert:

Introvert, n. A shy person; a person concerned primarily with inner thoughts and feelings rather than with the physical or social environment.

You know, I'm not surprised about being an introvert. What surprises me is the "shy" part. So I looked that one up too. Here's Webster's definition:

Shy, adj. bashful, retiring, easily frightened away, timid.

I'm pretty sure I'm not shy. I'm comfortable in groups and enjoy talking and socializing. In my high school and college days I was in countless plays, musicals and skits. I sang solos in church and high school competitions. I have been known - and this may come as a shocker to you - to make a spectacle of myself in front of a crowd. With great enthusiasm.

It's just that people-time drains me. As much as I like socializing, chatting and laughing it up with my friends - if there's too much of it, I'm exhausted. Being alone is what feeds me. Which brings me to my story.

I had to go to Costco the other day but didn't feel like it. I was crabby and didn't want to talk to anybody or acknowledge anyone I might know there. I wanted to be invisible but still get my shopping done. So I had a brilliant idea! I'd go in disguise. If Paris Hilton can throw on a ball cap and sunglasses and go incognito in public - I can too, right?

So, in my usual early-morning attire of baggy, black sweat pants and black polar fleece coat, I set out to Costco. I grabbed the only ball cap I have, which is a pink, John Deere hat. Paris Hilton would wear a pink ball cap, right? And just to clarify - she isn't my role model. (Sorry Paris, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I like your sunglasses!)

Here's the problem - I have short hair and I'm close to 6 feet tall. When I wear a hat that covers up my hair, I look like a guy. In addition to that, my head and facial features are kind of small. If I squash what little hair I have into a ball cap, it looks like my head has disappeared. I look like a giant praying mantis.

You know the movie, Men in Black - the first one? Remember the scene where Tommy Lee Jones (Agent K) takes Will Smith into the pawn shop? The pawn shop owner is an alien who sells black market alien weapons. Agent K shoots the alien in the head - blows it off, actually - and his head grows back. It starts out really tiny and slowly grows into a normal size. That's me in a hat, only my head will never grow to normal size.

So there I was in Costco. Walking around like a giant, pink-praying mantis-head Paris Hilton. Like that's going to make me look invisible. And what's the first thing I did when I saw somebody I knew?

Stopped them and said hi. *snort* So much for being incognito.

Happy New Year!

The first post of 2010.

Oh the pressure. The pressure to post something that's perfect. And witty. Something that will set the tone and start the year off on just the right note. I feel so burdened.

Hang on, I'll be right back . . .

OK I'm back. I feel better now. I ate a brownie. In the process of downing that brownie I realized something important . . . I'm not going to write a perfect post. Heck, I can't even get my laundry done in a reasonable manner, why should I try for perfection in blogging?

Moving on . . .

Yesterday we invited the Harmons over. Kids went upstairs and gorged on Wii Resort and grown ups watched the Rose Bowl.

Well, most of us watched the game. Monica doesn't have much interest in football but she's a good sport about it and brought along her own entertainment. She was working on her laptop which turned out to be pretty useful. We had some things we needed to clear up during the game.

"What's a Buckeye, anyway? Does anybody know?"

"I don't know."

"Me either. Hey Monica, google buckeye."

A buckeye is the seed of a horse chestnut tree. Thought you'd want to know.

She must have googled four or five things during the game. It was kind of like being on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and using your phone-a-friend lifeline.

During the first half of the game I was cooking and cleaning the kitchen. Rick and Monica and Duane kept asking, "What are you doing? Why are you cooking so much? Why don't you come sit down and watch the game?" I kept saying, "I'm almost done, just a few minutes more" and then I realized something.

Cooking is how I tell people I love them. When I try a new recipe I always envision a perfect end result that will make my family and friends go "Wow!" and thus secure their happiness and well-being.

I'm addicted to food blogs. Especially those with beautiful photography. A great picture of a dish will grab me before I read the recipe. If you look to your left, you'll see a list of blogs that I read. Half of them are about food and Tasty Kitchen is the biggest. People from all over the world submit their own recipes to share there and I've submitted a few myself!

So, can I tell you something completely, mind-blowingly, AWESOME that happened last Wednesday? Seriously, I was almost hyperventilating.

Pioneer Woman mentioned me and one of my recipes on her own blog, a blog that gets about 30 million hits a month. She's famous. She's a major celebrity in the cyber world. It's like Oprah mentioning you on her TV show.

Holy cow.

It was one of my Tasty Kitchen recipes - Southwest Corn Dip, which is - seriously - To. Die. For. I got the original recipe from my sister-in-law, Jennifer, and have tweaked it some since then.

TK is a great site. I've found TONS of new recipes and that's what I was doing during the Rose Bowl - making new stuff. All three of the new recipes were winners and here they are . . .

Chipotle Sweet Potato Corn Chowder. This had a little kick to it and was a very hearty, satisfying soup.

Oven-Baked Sandwiches. I ate, like, nine of them.

Salsa Cheesecake. This was terrific with tortilla chips. I'm going to play around with the recipe and add more salsa next time. It needed some kick.

It was a fun, relaxing day. After the food was made I sat in a big chair with the kitty on my lap and took a nap. Fabulous.

Happy New Year to you! Hope it started out as tasty for you as it did for me!